Hummus Hangover…..

Writing that book will have to wait another day, my keyboard won’t let me get near it.

Once or twice a year, I go deep underground to source one large container of hummus unlike any product available at your local grocery store. Conditions upon purchase are as follows; you must ask for the hummus in Egyptian, never make eye contact with the vendor, always have correct change and a burqa while not mandatory, certainly helps. If you can follow these guidelines, you will leave with an armful of wonder knowing this small addition to your party will offer huge impact.

The recipe is simple although never fully disclosed despite my incessant questioning. From what I can determine based solely on my palate’s reaction, there are two key ingredients: 1400 raw garlic cloves, two teaspoons chick peas, blend and serve.

If you make the mistake of over-hummussing, you will not see straight for several days following the binge. If you eat just the right amount, it’s pure heaven. Somewhere in the middle is where I usually end up and the fall-out can be unpleasant.

You must go into self imposed isolation for at least 48 hours following the feasting, eat nothing but mint leaves, peanut butter and the skins of 18 apples. While cooking bacon does help to eliminate odours in your home, it will only add to your frustration in the case of hummus-breath so don’t waste your time.

The trouble started for me when Hanna wouldn’t let me brush her teeth as she said my hands/skin stunk like onions. Confusing onions for garlic, I knew what she was referencing. Sadly, the garlic was not actually on my skin, I do refrain from scooping with my hand as a cup and slurping it, (at least when in the presence of company), I use a pita, but once it’s in your body, your mouth is no longer the problem, it enters your bloodstream and seeps through your pores.

Ellie came over and gave Greg a kiss and a hug goodnight—looked at me and said, “Same goes for you Mom!” and ran off to bed without coming anywhere near me.

The baby woke for a feeding at 4:30a.m. and must have smelled me slinking down the hall because when I opened her bedroom door, she quickly forced her little eyes shut and turned her head to the wall pretending she was asleep. Perhaps this will work as a positive step towards weaning her.

Anyone claiming vampires do not negatively react to garlic should see the curled pages of my copy of Twilight this morning.

The flowers wilt in my presence, the pillow turns itself over and the wacky dreams swirling around a brewing pot of tahini have caused big, black circles to form under my eyes. I hear garlic is good for that.

No amount of toothpaste, floss, mouthwash can get rid of it. It laughs at any attempts to wash the smell away, because unlike M&M’s, it melts in your mouth and burns into your hands. It’s part of who you are now.

I heard from three people who attended the shower all claiming they had the most bizarre dreams (one of the possible side effects) and in every instance the Q & A results were consistent.

“Did you eat the hummus?”

“Yes, lots of it.”

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