Over the years, I have heard about cats bringing their owners “gifts” in the form of dead animals to say thank you for keeping them as a pet.

We have had a cat “Hornsour” living on our deck for just over a year. We do not think of this cat as a pet despite naming it, our daily hand-outs and baby-talk when we see him. He, sorry, she, will not come anywhere near us but will meow at the door for food and leave balls of fur around the yard, use our sandbox as her personal litter box and mate in the privacy of our covered seating area. A pet no, an unwanted house-guest, perhaps.

It pains me to dispel the myth of the gift-giving feline but I have now been witness to several cat killings and can assure you, they are not done for my benefit.

Like any other toy in this house, the cat hunts, drags its half-eaten prey to its living quarters (our deck) and dumps it, leaving it for dead when playtime is over. Just like children abandoning an unwanted toy in a heap in the corner. Maybe the children think these mess piles are presents for mommy too? I’ve been looking at this all wrong.

So, there will be no thank you card for the chewed up frog, the mangled bat wing (although, I do enjoy that one a little bit) and today, for the dead, headless mouse surrounded by a team of hungry ants, dining in parallel to our family under our table and chairs.

Hanna just came to me and told me the cat has barfed up a bunch of fur balls. On closer inspection, I see she has dismembered a bird and still has a feather stuck to her chin. What part of tiny bird claws scattered next to my barbecue says “thinking of you?”

Thanks but no thanks. Next time, try to beat up a gift card for some cat litter and cough it up.