As a mother, I am finding hidden talents both in myself and in my kids all the time.

My almost two year old can remove all of the clothing from all of the Barbies and redress them in Polly Pocket’s stretchy, rubber wardrobe despite Barbie being a size zero and Polly being a triple zero, petite.

She can also be heard from her crib singing the following, “A B C D, like a jiamond, twinkle, twinkle, one, two, fee, four, seben, twelf, twenty, two, perfect.

My eight year old can function after finally falling asleep sometime after 1am at her first sleepover though, the following morning, loud noises and bright lights did startle her and a trip to the Home Depot might have induced a seizure.

My five year old can hold onto a loose tooth weeks after the laws of gravity would suggest it has no business sitting on that ridiculously unsupported angle in her mouth.

I can ride bowlegged with a helmet wearing baby attached to the front of my bike and smile like a crazy person while doing it.

But what I can’t do is prepare a single, simple family craft to save my life.

With the holidays approaching, (which by the way, isn’t there almost always a holiday approaching?) I am noticing my Inbox runneth over, “With the holidays approaching, try these…..” Lists include; DIY masks, turkey basters, elves, bells, whistles, personalized stockings, cutesy door stoppers, almost always some type of puppet and not one of them for a person without a fine arts degree to understand first the theory behind affixing the cat’s whiskers and secondly, who among you just happens to have a cupboard filled with seven sizes of hot glue guns and three inch metallic pipe cleaner?

I carry stickers, some paper and a few markers with mismatched and/or missing lids.

Polly Pocket clothes—those I have. Modge-podge glue and a bag of miscellaneous googly eyes, I do not.

Supplies aren’t really my problem it’s in the construction. It’s not that I’m absent of hand-eye coordination or opposable thumbs, but when I compare my finished product with the experts, their 3D papier mache apple with adorable, smiley worm wearing sporty sunglasses, protruding cleverly from behind sparkly, green leaves is mantle-worthy, mine is on the driveway  being eaten by actual worms, wearing actual sunglasses.

Please keep your craft advice to a minimum, at least while the holidays are approaching.