There are generally two positions you could take on the parents co-sleeping with their kids debate.
There are exponentially more uncomfortable body positions you will have to take if you are crazy enough to let them crawl in.
My usual reaction to someone hovering over my sleeping face in the middle of the night is to jump, check my pulse, check my mattress pad heater to be sure I didn’t accidentally turn it off, check the point in the middle of the bed and using the imaginary line I draw with my eyes, determine if Greg is encroaching on my half and then try to focus on the being standing next to me.
If it’s a child (of mine) I almost always try to muster up enough strength to take them gently by the hand and walk them back to their bed.
There are nights however when I notice it’s only an hour from the time our alarm is going to go off so I allow them to join Greg and I in bed knowing the alarm clock will scare them silly in less than an hour and this might help make the decision to choose maybe a sister’s room next time.
The first position is the Gingerbread—this is the pose they make while standing next to your bed to show you how cute and sweet they are. It’s also to show you how still and quiet they can be with their arms tucked neatly at their sides. It is this melt-your-heart, so sweet I could eat you position that gets us all into trouble.
Reality sets in for position two….
- Starfish—when their arm hits you in the head, leg hits your calf, you know right away if they are overdue for a nail clipping. You are too big to comfortably curl into the open space between their outstretched arm and leg but that doesn’t prevent you from trying to become a ball.
- Serrated Knife—this is where their hand, elbow and knee bend in your direction. It’s the position where all of their pointiest parts cut into all of your softest parts and with each slight movement comes a slicing motion.
- Fish on a hook—This is the position that for some reason, at least with my kids, they begin frantically flopping around the bed as if trying to free themselves from a fish hook. There is only one casualty during fish on a hook and it’s always Mommy.
- Corkscrew—The corkscrew is when your child grinds your back, shoulders, neck with their rolling wrists and/or elbows making it feel as though they will penetrate beyond the muscle/tissue and drill holes through your bones in a circular pattern of constant pressure.
A far cry from the Gingerbread, now that the child has made it into your bed he or she will tell you at least once how uncomfortable they are because you are there.
Be strong parents.
Don`t let the gingerbread man bite.
**photo is a likeness** I know this because there is no visible bruising.
