I’m going to categorize yesterday as just “one of those days” and then throw a bunch of rocks in a giant bag and toss it into the lake.

It started with my semi-annual trip to the Dentist which is second only to my visit to the Gynecologist as the worst day of the year.

I don’t like being trapped in a chair where someone gets to talk and I have no opportunity to respond. Before I could vocalize the first thought we were onto someone’s wedding plans and another’s vacation. These people are trained professionals in the art of “Verbalizing Your Stream Of Consciousness.” Staring into space is the only way to maintain your sanity.

I had to update my medical history and became woozy at all of the questions that involved the word blood; Have you ever had any massive blood clots? My knees buckled and I almost threw up.

I had to have x-rays and I remembered to ask for the neck guard to prevent developing thyroid cancer. The hygienist waved me off and said, “Oh that thing just gets in the way, you’ll be fine.” We agreed to go  with the cancer option instead.

Chloe and I did have the chance to play which is always a breath of fresh air. We went for a bike ride, we played soccer, when I missed the ball she would shout, “LIZ! Duh!” reminding me we’re going to have to work on wiping her vocabulary-slate clean prior to her starting school.

I filled out several forms for swimming lessons and became one of those people I despise. I began an aggressive emailing campaign asking anyone who would help questions about swimming gear, forms I was missing, who their financial advisor was. One woman answered about twenty of my emails, some of which must have repeated the same question 100 different ways. I became embarrassed on her behalf at her level of kindness. Surely she thought she was being tested for some sort of citizenship award.

After a quick dinner, I took the girls to the swimming registration where despite being in a room full of swimming equipment, there was a wave of uncertainty whirling around the room about what any of it was for. So began the forty-five minute fashion show before we left with exactly what I had spent the afternoon trying to organize.

We stopped at the grocery store, Ellie had to use the dirty bathroom.

We walked in the door and Chloe needed milk, her back rubbed, her stock portfolio checked and to try on some high heels that will fit her in seventeen years. She also wanted to show me an original art piece entitled “Take this ottoman to the dump!” after drawing all over it with pink highlighter.

I can not tell a lie. Yesterday was exhausting.

When I stood over the kitchen sink eating a 40000 calorie ice cream bar, Greg walked into the room and began to play the sad violin in the air as though my quiet sigh after everyone was tucked in, the laundry was folded, dishes were done and my neck had finally stopped twitching at the thought of a massive blood clot I had to laugh.

Mostly at what I would have done had that violin bow not been imaginary.