My four year old has foot odour.

I wish I knew why or where it was coming from or who I could club for passing along this repugnant virus but it’s driving us crazy.

I think about the teachers at school wondering if they’re saying, “Seriously? Do you think the parents are aware? How could they not be aware, this is scandalous?”

I did notice a couple of them were wearing masks the other day but I assumed that was for something unrelated, maybe a puppet theatre.

It started right around the time I bought her a six pack of multi-coloured socks.

I’m not blaming the socks (necessarily) I just find it a timely coincidence that the day after she wore the first pair, her feet started to reek to high hell.

I washed all six pairs of socks before she wore any and just sniffed them all in her drawer. Four of the six pairs have yet to be worn but I think the smell is in the weave. Maybe it’s what the Mother in me wants to believe.

So I took her shoes and sprayed them with vinegar, then set them on a shoe rack in the dryer and baked them like a vinegar-shoe soufflé for 45 minutes on high. If there had been a broil setting, I would have used it.

The shoes continue to smell.

We wash her feet when she comes home at the end of the school day and I bought a new pair of indoor shoes and delivered them to the school yesterday so we could throw away an old pair.

The feet continue to smell.

How could something so ghastly be following around this adorably, sweet, angelic little kid?

Wait.