Professor Plum….

Every now and again, Greg volunteers to go to Costco to pick up our supplies.

Since the kids are all out of diapers, that one giant staple is no longer on our list but we do still go for the usual; toilet paper, tissues, paper towels, frozen mango, case of Perrier and some item that will be useful three seasons out.

When Greg visits Costco, he often returns with a few strays that were not on the list but thinks the family will be over-the-moon excited to have. These items have included things like; a bag of 500 bagels, a box of 750 chicken drumsticks and a potato sack filled with red quinoa.

Last week, his spontaneous purchase was a case of plums.

Greg thought plums would be a welcome change to our regular fruit rotation of apples, pears, bananas, peaches and berries.

I guess he didn’t consider the usual lack of plums isn’t because we wish we had them, it’s because if I was living on a deserted island and had a case of plums and nothing else to eat, I would probably choose sand patties.

The plums stayed on the counter the first day until Greg rearranged the entire fridge as they take up two full shelves.

You’re probably wondering how many takers we’ve had. Zero. Not one plum-lover in the house yet the fridge remains jammed.

So I pulled the case out and set it back on the counter leaving room for things like milk, yogurt and cold meat which in my mind are priority items that require refrigeration. Plums that no one wants are robbing those foods of their necessary chill.

The plums sat on the counter for another two days, ripe for the picking—still no takers.

I asked what Greg wanted to do with the plums.

“What do you mean? I love plums. I’ll eat them all.”

Challenge accepted.

Yet the plums hung out in front of the toaster, then beside the sink, each time I had to hoist them with a small, kitchen crane to make room for meal preparation until I noticed they were gone.

Thank God, someone has donated the plums.

I opened the fridge and there they were again. The case still full, the food rearranged. The plums have lived to see another day.

“Greg, what are your plans for these plums?”

Greg: I love them. My plan is to eat them.

He’s gone Plum Loco.

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