The kids had their last swim meet a couple of weekends ago and this week they will have their final practices to wrap another exciting, fun-filled season.
Here are some things I will miss over the summer.
The random Dad who approaches me at swim meets to tell me my kid took 2.36 seconds off of her best time (or added 17.94 seconds to her worst time) in the 100m butterfly the instant the race is over. I then try to respond in kind pretending I too know something about his kid but it sounds more like a stalker, “I really like how your son’s bathing suit didn’t fade to see-through this year.”
The time and effort I took to plan, shop, prepare healthy snacks with quinoa and chia seeds to fill their lunch sacks while on deck yet the only thing I could see from the stands were the plastic casings from ring pops dangling from their mouths and the orange glow of Cheetos from underwater like some phosphorescent jelly-fish in matching bathing caps were hosting a Mermaid rave.
The energy and lift from the crowd when my kid came in dead last in a race and the entire building erupted with applause as she emerged from the pool with an enormous, “For me?” humble smile, “I’m not worthy.”
The nervous twitches so many of the kids worked through over the course of the season while my kid continued to chew her nails, the skin around her nails, the sides of her hands, her goggles, her friend’s goggles until they were unrecognizable, shredded strands of rubber with two plastic, dangling eyeballs.
The copious number of t-shirts we have accumulated from the various meets. Always the same guy with the steam iron selling inappropriate sayings like, “I’m too sexy to be in a sport that requires you to wear clothes.”
The hour long warm-up to get kids already jacked up on sugar prepared for a 40 second swim.
The parents who drive 2.5 hours to watch their kid swim and she gets disqualified in one race and misses a second because “I was playing Minecraft in the hall.”
The time I had written, edited and delivered one of my best parenting speeches (ever) about not sharing water bottles with other kids and minutes later I watched as my daughter took a swig out of someone’s Gatorade who had strep throat. “I didn’t drink out of the bottle Mom. I squirted it into my mouth.” Ah loop-holes.
“Can you buy us Gatorade Mom?” “Can we have Gatorade?” “Mom, we are like the only kids who don’t have Gatorade.” “This is brutal, water?” “Are you serious? No Gatorade again?” “Can you buy us one Gatorade and we’ll share it?” WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SHARING BOTTLES?!
Looking at the meet program while passing the time as an on-deck timer and asking myself, “If I were to have another child and I had to choose a name from this heat to name my baby, which of these names would I choose?” Or, “Which name on this list sounds most like a soap opera star?” Or, which name would sound better with a J’ in front of it?”
See you in September, J’Kevin and J’Karen.
