Hanna sent me on a wild goose chase to find a white tutu to complete her Halloween costume. While the rest of the costume is unknown to me, it would be ironic if she was planning to dress as a wild goose.
My orders were as follows; it had to be a white tutu, all white and it had to be full, like you know, layers and poofy and like so, so full. If it’s flat, it won’t do. It won’t be worn. It will be burned and Halloween will be ruined forever, for her, her children and her children’s children….for three months.
I knew H & M sold tutus. They always sell tutus. In fact, I’m always surprised every time I walk into that store when I pass the tutu display and I think to myself, “Huh, I never would have thought to come to H & M if I was looking for a tutu but there they are again, H & M tutus in every colour.”
Except yesterday when they weren’t and the sales person looked at me like she had never seen a tutu in the store or ever in her life and shot me that look that said, “Are you sure you’re not thinking of the dance studio?” and I was about to drop my 2 for $1 Dollarama gift bags all over the empty tutu aisle.
I had no choice but to go to an actual Halloween store. Well, I should preface that by saying, I did go to a Halloween store and they did sell white tutus but they were $30 and they had a Star Wars decal on the side. I felt like I was paying $29 for branding and $1 for crumpled butterfly netting so out of principle, I walked.
I went to Value Village and immediately felt scared. An entire wing of the store was dedicated to insanely scary Halloween costumes and surprisingly stylish crystal vases.
There were people buying wedding dresses covered in fake blood while giggling.
There was a guy buying a “Scream” mask and I could tell he’d waited all year to add this to his collection and finally, there was a holiday where no one would notice.
They had tutus! Purple, bright green, pink and rainbow. No white.
I hate this holiday.