The last day of school before the Christmas holiday break is typically the easiest day of the year to get the kids up and ready for school. Why? Because they know the parties they’ve been having all week are nothing compared to the all-day party they are about to have. If they thought watching the movie “Elf” in pajamas was special, wait until the private viewing of the new Star Wars while sporting the actual costumes worn in the film. (I can’t know this is happening for certain but each day, it seems to get better and better).

 
My daughter’s grade seven class had three pancake griddles heating up when I delivered the eleventh fruit platter to add to the pile.

 
But this morning isn’t easy on the parents. We spend our morning labeling baked goods for the class with the kid who has the allergies to flour, butter, eggs, sugar, salt, vanilla and Christmas decorations. Cookies: These cookies are made with hemp, spelt and tears.

 
We double check that the card for the bus driver has the gift card enclosed and our home address clearly marked so he/she will remember us when trying to decide between the quarter chicken dinner or “Festive Special.”

 
We make lunches, fill water bottles, check teacher’s gifts, hear the Canadian Dollar is at an all time low and then, when you think you are on track to get out the door on time, someone says, “Mom, listen to me play “Hot Cross Buns” on the keyboard with one finger. Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross Buns, One a penny, wait…..Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross Buns, One a….wait, Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross, wait…..Hot, wait….”

 
I found Chloe in a ball on her floor. She was impersonating her sock, also in a ball, crumpled next to her. She was crying about how the sock felt (emotionally?) on her foot and how the toe part was rubbing up too high and the heel part was slunk down too low. I think she said, “I hate you” but all I heard was, “Fa la la la la la la la la.”

 
Deep breath.

 
Ellie asked if she could wear one of my t-shirts. There’s really no time, Ellie though, it’s kind of cute and I guess now that she’s nine, borrowing my clothes isn’t the strangest…..

 
“Mom, I need one of your t-shirts for a play. I’m playing an old lady.”

 
Awesome.

 
Hanna wanted to add something to her bag of Jolly Ranchers for the Secret Santa exchange in her class. She felt Jolly Ranchers just weren’t going to cut it. Does she know I went to Bulk Barn and had them measure out exactly $10 worth of Jolly Ranchers? I didn’t just come up with Jolly Ranchers to embarrass her. Her Secret Santa partner wrote on her list of items she would love to receive; Waffles, Cheetos and Jolly Ranchers.

 
“Mom, you can’t just give someone a gift bag filled with Jolly Ranchers.”

 
Well you can’t give her a pony when the limit is $10 and the syrup from the waffles was getting your agenda all sticky.

 
“I’m adding in a hand sanitizer and a case to hang on her backpack to go with it so you owe me one.”

 
Santa, are you catching this attitude?

 
Okay, the school bags are ready, lunches organized, teacher’s gifts, baking, bus driver, water, Xanax, swim bags, for after school….

 
“Mom, can I ask you something?”

 
Of course.

 
“In the movie Titanic, you know how the women and children were let off the boat first?”

 
Yes.

 
“When did the transgender people get off?”