Instagram….

Do you remember that Simpsons episode when Bart and Lisa repeated, “Can we get a pool Dad? Can we get a pool Dad? Can we get a pool Dad? Can we get a pool Dad?” until the words had lost all meaning?

Replace “Instagram” with “pool” and we are living a Springfield cartoon nightmare.

I’m always the parent who says no to everything before I’ve had the chance to do any extensive research. “Can we eat this tuna off the floor?” No—there’s mercury in that fish and likely in the grout and tiles. “Can we jump on our beds back and forth but instead of going feet first, can we blindfold ourselves using our tongues as our guide?” No—your tongues are only strong enough to keep the four front teeth from shattering. You’ll need the back ones for beef jerky. “Can we get social media sites that share information about where we live and how to find us day or night?” No—…”but ALL of my friends have it!”

Really?

So we ruled out Snapchat after I decided it should just be re-named “Totally Nude Nudes—Poof They’re Gone.” Though “Snapchat” is catchier and a lot quicker to say when you’re running from your angry spouse, charging at you with a golf club.

Instagram seemed more about sharing a picture of what you ate for dinner last night. I can’t believe I didn’t come up with this billion dollar idea sooner but someone also came up with Shopkins before the rest of us so anything is possible.

I asked our 12 year old why she wanted to have Instagram, who she planned to share her dinner pics with and how this could backfire.

She has had just one response throughout our six month “Can I get Instagram?” journey. All of my friends have it.

Not sold.

I asked her if she would still want Instagram if her first follower was her Mother.

Yes.

I explained that if she at any time “un-Instagrammed” me the deal would be off.

Agreed.

I told her there would be no pics of herself, our home, her siblings or me unless I was on my way to a wedding and she was scanning a professional, already photo-shopped picture and used the caption, “Here’s my Mom the way she always looks, every day of the week.”

Um, Okay?

I told her if she posted a pic of pineapples today with the caption, “Man I love yellow fruit” and decided two years from now yellow fruit was for losers—too bad! That caption and pic would follow her around for life.

Yep. You’re weird Mom.

I suggested that even though she might only have 5 followers, any one of those besties could take a screen shot of her pineapples and share them with the world on any other social media site.

Yes, I understand these risks.

Pineapples.

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