For Margaret Wise Brown who wrote the 1942 version

Once there was a little bunny who wanted to be on social media.

So she said to her mother, “I am joining social media.”

“If you join social media,” said her mother, “I will join too, for you are my inexperienced, naive little bunny.”

“If you join too,” said the naive, little bunny, “I will make my settings private so you can’t access my conversations.”

“If you set your settings to private and lock me out,” said her mother, “I will name myself ‘Justin Bieber’ and you will believe me and accept my friend request for you are a naive, inexperienced, little bunny.”

Insert pic of me holding 8×10” glossy of Justin Bieber in front of my face.

“If you pretend to be Justin Bieber,” said the little bunny, “I will change my password and move over to Twitter.”

“If you change your password and move to Twitter,” said her mother, “I will find you and blow heart shaped emojis to you in 140 characters or less.”

“If you use your 140 characters to embarrass me, I will unfollow you and not retweet any of your hearts or smiley faces.”

“If you unfollow me and refrain from sharing my love,” said her mother, “I will continue to love you but your Twitter account will be closed.” (142)

“If you close my Twitter account,” said the bunny, I will open a Facebook account and tell everyone we are on vacation.”

“If you tell everyone we are on vacation,” said the mother, “people everywhere will know our house is empty and for exactly how long.”

“If you remove me from Facebook,” said the bunny, “I will take pictures of our dinner and post them on Instagram.”

“If you post our dinner on Instagram,” said the mother, “I will find this incredibly odd but I will “like” our dinner (because I made it) and search for hidden problems in this exchange.”

“If you “like” our dinner,” said the naive bunny, I will accept a follower who posts selfies where she stands in front of a mirror while pouting with lipstick on and I will think that’s cool.”

“If you think it’s cool to wear make-up and pout for photos,” said the mother, your Instagram account will be closed and you will deprive the world of our awesome dinner pics.”

“If you think dinner pics are why I’m on here”, said the bunny, then I will move to Snapchat where the pictures are deleted immediately after opening so I can send and receive anything I want.”

“If you sign up for Snapchat and send or receive risqué photos, said the mother, they will be available the world over, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.”

“If you find pictures of me circulating the internet that I never wanted to get out,” said the little bunny, “I will run into your arms and cry.”

“If you run into my arms and cry,” said the mother, “I will catch you in my arms and hug you.”

“Epic,” said the naive, inexperienced bunny, “I might just as well stay off the internet until I’m old enough and mature enough to take on that kind of responsibility.”

And so she did.

“Have some quinoa,” said the mother.