It seems as though I know a lot of people looking for/at houses these days. These are a few of my favourite things.

I am a chronic online shopper browser/snooper of homes and researchers suggest my illness may be degenerative.

I think part of buying a house should require the seller to answer all of the questions you can throw at them in ten minutes or less. Perhaps even in game show format to ease what is already a tense round of negotiations and to keep things light.

Here are five questions we all want to know, starting with…

1. Why are you moving? The correct answer is: We are staying in the same neighbourhood because we love it so much but needed extra room because we are expecting quads (the babies, not the motorized vehicles). Also acceptable, we had to move for work.

Wrong answers: As soon as we moved in, we started to get very, very sick.

When the sun rises in the morning it burns a hole in our carpet.

We discovered the next door neighbour is a pyromaniac.

The builder is in prison for hiding body parts in the walls of all of his homes like trophies.

There’s a documentary filmmaker “observing” our neighbourhood. Cameras are everywhere.

2. What else are you willing to sell?

When it comes right down to it, we all want to know if there’s more for sale than just the house. Everyone has something they want to get rid of and your garbage might be someone else’s prettier garbage. We fall in love with a coffee table or towel drying rack or corkscrew and somehow our focus becomes more about the contents of the house than the actual structure itself.

To make this process easier, sellers should itemize what they would be willing to include with the house that could be rolled into the negotiations. “Gorgeous four bedroom, two bath home for sale on double lot. Three year old artificial Christmas tree, seven espresso mugs and a pet rock also available.”

3. Neighbourhood Scoop

Before buying anywhere, wouldn’t it be great to have the opportunity to sit down with the seller and discuss things like local restaurants, shopping and what neighbour makes the best corn casserole?

4. To the best of your knowledge, has there ever been any water damage in the basement?

5. In your lifetime, have you, anyone in your family or anyone visiting the premises ever seen a bat flying in your home and were you (or any of the aforementioned people or groups) able to successfully remove it (alive or dead)? Follow up, Could the bat have left babies or friends behind that you are unaware of?