The other day, I knew I had close to two hours of quiet time while Chloe napped and I had something pressing that I knew I just wouldn’t feel whole if I didn’t get it done.

I took a course on how to be a Level 1 Timer at beginner level swim meets so I could be on the pool deck when my kids swim.

My reasons were sound.

1. I need to contribute something like 7000 volunteer hours in order to waive something like $7000 more in fees for my children to be able to participate in swimming.
2. I get to wear a white t-shirt, white pants and am prepared to get wet.

Before actually enrolling in the two hour clinic followed by an intense quiz (probably timed by the top students from the previous timing test) I procrastinated by looking online for a Miami Vice Outfitters store for my deck-whites but sadly, no luck.

After two hours of reading and quizzing, I am now a Level 1 Certified Timer and I can’t wait to dive into my first job.

The expectations are as follows,

1. I will stand next to two other Level 1 Timers in the same lane where we will press “Start” on a stopwatch when the strobe light flashes followed by “Stop” when the swimmer touches the wall at the end of the race. Something I learned, it is important to always use your index finger while pressing the start and stop buttons but failing that (say if you had your index finger removed) it is better to use the same finger for pressing the start and stop buttons, rather than say thumb-start, pinky-stop, or elbow-start, knee-stop, but you probably already knew that.
2. Most pools now have digital touch pads at the finish end of the pool meaning when a swimmer touches the pad, their time is instantly recorded making our three jobs totally obsolete excepting of course, our super cool, wet, white clothes.

Other duties may include;

1. Serving snacks and meals to Level 2 Timers who sit at the cool table, wear any colour they like and remain bone dry.
2. Act as valet for the Chief Timer, his/her children and their children’s children.
3. Demonstrate your choice of either a swan dive or canon ball to commence each meet.
4. Spit shine all swimmer’s goggles.
5. Stretch bathing caps and clear shampoo residue and/or unsightly caked on hair.
6. Sing the National Anthem a cappella.

As if going back to school wasn’t hard enough, there’s also a Chief Timer (kind of like the school principal who makes sure your uniform is in fact white and wet) who times all of the races anyway so you’ll likely be overruled and called a monkey at least a few times per swim meet while they dunk your head in the drinking fountain and you try desperately to keep your stop-watch dry.

I don’t know how you get the job of Chief Timer, nepotism, bribery maybe but he/she has the authority to order you to do sets of burpees whenever they feel like it. They have more power in their pinky finger than I’ll ever have in my index finger.

 Being an adult learner has its perks.

You get to be a smart ass.

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