It’s funny how the gifts we think our kids will really love, the ones we stall them as they are opening so we can zoom the camera right in to catch every quivering freckle in their expression and freeze this perfect moment in time, are the ones they open, toss aside and don’t even remember getting.

I worried about the perfect gift for Hanna. I wondered if she was too old (at nine) to get excited about a toy.

I bought her a Furby, a purple one because the girl at the toy store said Furbies were going to sell out and the purple ones were already sold out and they had the last one in the entire world which happened to be sitting right in front of me while I was thinking, “What the hell is a Furby?” and also, “How did I get to be so lucky?” before paying $70 for the last of the Mohicans toy with no magical powers to speak of other than to drain a case of batteries with a single button, colour, purple.

I thought about that purple Furby for at least a month before Christmas wondering, really? Is she honestly going to like this little gremlin-esque creature that doesn’t do anything except scream, “Look at me! I’m the last purple Furby!”

I took it back.

The people in the store looked at me like I had pulled a five carat diamond, encased in five, gold bars out of my plastic bag. You’d think they might have questioned why anyone would carry a five carat diamond and five gold bars around in a toy store bag or how strong I must have been to just lift it so easily with two fingers. It was as though the purple Furby had glowed.

Furby Enthusiast Staff Member: Do you have any idea how many calls we’ve already had today for a Furby?

FESM 2: Oh my God! And it’s purple!

FESM 1: You’re seriously returning this?

Am I on hidden camera?

Confused Furby Shopper (me): Yes, I’m just not sure my nine year old daughter will get excited about something like this.

FESM’s: Do you know you could sell this on ebay or kijiji for big bucks?

I thought they were going to say, “Do you know you could end world hunger with this single Furby?”

Do they have any idea who they are talking to? My husband is the king of selling things on ebay for no bucks and buying things on ebay for big bucks. In fact, he’s probably at home bidding on purple Furby’s right now.

Me: Well that’s not really the Christmas spirit. This way, one of your many made-up callers can have it or donate it to charity, use it for speed-dating, getting out of jury duty, I don’t care.

I really just wanted my money back.

I decided to buy Hanna a popsicle maker that makes popsicles out of juice in less than 15 minutes. No Furby in history, not even a purple one could do that.

I had this feeling deep down that the world would stand still when she opened that box, knowing she could pour chocolate milk (if I ever bought any) into the sleeves, drop in her own popsicle sticks and voila! Instant fun and a tasty treat.

She tossed that box aside faster than it could make a popsicle and continued to shake boxes around the tree. I’m pretty sure she was looking for a Furby. A purple one.

She spent her day playing with a $2 pocket volcano. It was a plastic version of what we already make sometimes out of paper with hilarious instructions translated from someone on the cusp of grasping the English language.

My favourite was CAUTIONS: Do not use in your fishing tank.

I think it also said something about being way cheaper than a purple Furby and so much more fun but I was nursing a brain freeze from my new popsicle maker to be able to read.

I hope you had a wonderful purple-Furby-filled Christmas.

Send me your stories of gifts gone bad.