When my kids keep me awake all night, here are a few things I think about…

1.       I should not be allowed to operate a motorized vehicle for the next twelve hours

2.       I hope our dinner guests will enjoy the following three menu items; the freezer, a box, the crock-pot.

3.       I should have put the plastic sheet on my toddler’s bed before she peed all over everything. Doing it after the fact causes other parents to laugh and point at me.

4.       I’m glad tomorrow/today is pajama day at school. It would be discriminatory if I didn’t make it universal to include those of us spending the day at home.

5.       Walking the stroller and going for long car rides will make you just as tired as your two year old.

6.       Reading “lots and lotsa books” will make you more tired than your two year old.

7.       Remember when someone suggested I should spend an entire day batch cooking the family meals for the week? I should have listened.

8.       You know what’s even more energizing than forty minutes on the treadmill? A two hour afternoon nap and a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

9.       Where is the “Do Not Disturb” button on my home phone?

10.   Today’s one of those drink-right-from-the-tea-pot kind of days

11.   Someone should write a cookbook entitled, “The Sleepwalking Chef” Anything requiring thirty minutes of focus is futile. **

12.   If the kids were thinking, today would be a good day to ask if they can watch t.v.

13.   Why don’t I get one of those “wash-and-wear” hair-cuts and that permanent make-up so I never have to look this bad ever again?

14.   When your two year old shouts, “I can wear anything I want! I’m a waitress!” Just go with it.

15.   My nine year old appeared to be sneaking something into her school backpack today. I hope it was my car keys.

**The Sleepwalking Chef may already exist. I’m just too tired to google it.