“I just went swimming in my clothes and now my shirt is SOAKED!”

“I’m too tired to say sorry. Can I have some ice cream?”

“Most people wear Band-Aids on their fingers, elbows or toes.”

“Chloe if you finish your broccoli, Mommy will let you have dessert.” (Now whispering to her younger sister) “Just eat the branches, not the whole tree.”

“Mommy, can you set me up with some paints so I can fling it at the paper?” Follow up, “Do I have to fling it outside?”

After smashing a large, glass canister filled with decorative q-tips on my bathroom vanity, “I don’t know what happened but it wasn’t me.”