Chloe came out with another new one today.
We were playing UNO and when she was down to her last card, excitedly slamming a yellow eight into the ottoman showing me her hand which is the #1 rule of UNO, never show your opponent your last card because they will stop at nothing to change colour, suit, “accidentally” slide the cards onto the floor or spill hot tea on the deck if feeling trapped, or slam a pick-up four card down so fast it’ll leave a permanent impression in the leather….but I digress.
When she won the game, sorry, “won” the game, I smiled at her and she said, “Not my problem, Mom.”
It was one of those moments I knew she really wanted to say “Not my problem” but wasn’t entirely sure about context and certainly not worried about offending anyone.
She also told me, “You really are a blonde Mommy.”
I asked her what that meant and she said, “I heard it on tv, hey, do you want to watch me punch myself?” WHAT?
She listened carefully to yet another installment of Mommy and Daddy talking about arbitrary household behaviours, this time, it was how many bags of chips you need for a party.
When I told Greg you really don’t need very many because women won’t eat them, he looked at me like I had two heads.
(Not my problem I wanted to say. It just felt right)
Greg: But you love chips more than anyone I know.
Me: Of course I do but have you ever seen me eat them at a party? Only men eat chips at parties.
Greg: I would eat a whole bag.
Me: I know but women will only eat a tortilla dipped in salsa or stand in front of a cheese platter. It’s just social etiquette. It’s not fair, it’s just the way it is.
Greg: That doesn’t even begin to make sense.
Me: Women don’t want to be seen hoovering up a giant bowl of sour cream ‘n onions. We spend a lot of time on our hair and make-up (googling “How to apply make-up” and “how to de-chunk your mascara” moments before leaving the house).
All that effort? We’re not going to blow it by walking around with green powder on our leg warmers all night. That’s normal.
Greg: I guess as normal as you hiding in the laundry room, crunching in front of the washing machine in secret.
Exactly.
Greg: Hey girls, you guys eat chips at parties right?
Chloe: Daddy, this is not my problem.
