Ellie came home from school raving about a book her teacher had read to them this week.

She rambled on and on about what it was called, what it was about, laughing so hard she had to choke back tears while she tried to re-tell the story and her classmate’s reaction to all of this.

I was making dinner and didn’t hear a word she said but later asked, (because I am an extremely good parent) “Ellie, what was the name of that book again?”

She said, (I swear) okay (I thought) she said Gooney Bird.

Good enough.

I’m not suggesting I rush out to buy my kids everything they ask for and Ellie didn’t even ask for this but when it comes to books, I read somewhere reading to your kids is the best thing you can do so I thought, it’s never too late and also, please see my post about stay-at-home-Moms needing an outing to make ourselves feel really, really important.

Oh, just an aside, I stopped on the way into the mall to get the eyebrow worked on and the wax barrista asked me, “Hey, do you get that you look like Heidi Klum all the time?”

Not a day goes by. Then I remembered how awful it is to work for tips. Still, it beat this morning over breakfast when Hanna asked, “Mom, didn’t you wear that shirt yesterday?” Yes honey and the day before. I didn’t have the heart (or a calculator) to tell her how many days in a row I’ve been wearing the same bra.

Off I went in my stained, four-days-til-wash-day shirt, orange sneakers, two eyebrows looking more like Ms. Klum than ever into the book store.

I walked up to the counter because I didn’t have an author’s name and asked, “Do you have the book Gooneys or something like that? Wait, I think it’s Gooney Girl. Yes, Gooney Girl?”

The lady tried to keep from rolling her eyes as she typed a search into the computer. She was probably secretly emailing her co-workers, “Get over here! It’s Heidi Klum and she’s really short in person!”

“There is no book by that name Ma’am.”

How could I get Klumed and Ma’amed within minutes of each other? Ah, tips.

Me: Okay, could you try Gooney Good Girl or something similar? No?

How about Gooney Bird Girl?

Gooney Girl Green?

Green Gooney Girl Bird?

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

It turns out the book is called Gooney Bird Greene. We were so close.

Not in stock but I did get a confirmation email after donating a dollar to the fifth charity of the day upon checking out.

The email was in French (of course)

Bonjour Liz, Votre commande passée en kiosque comprend le(s) article(s) suivant(s) :

1. Gooney Bird Greene

I have no idea what this means. Shouldn’t it be Gooney Ouisea Vert?