The girls successfully completed their very first swim-a-thon last night, swimming for two straight hours or 5kms, whichever came first.

While neither quite made it to the 5km mark, they came close, they tried their best, they blasted me with angry grimaces or closed their eyes when they knew I was looking to pretend they had drowned. Classic tom-foolery in the pool only a mother would be able to laugh at.

While I anticipated one or both of my kids might vomit before they made it to the two hour mark, that didn’t happen so there’s a major victory in just that.

I waved and smiled at Hanna and she mouthed cute things to me like, “Die Bitch” and “How’s your apple? I’m glad you’re getting something to eat!” and my favourite, “Remember when you signed me up for this? You are a big liar!”

They. Were. Exhausted.

On the car ride home, due to several factors; severe dehydration, exhaustion, water swirling in their brains and most other orifices, their personalities were in a heightened state.

Ellie: Hey Hanna, let’s pretend there’s punch in my water bottle.

Hanna: I’ll give you a punch Ellie.

Ellie: Mom, my feet are all tingly and asleep. It feels so cool I just want to dance.

Hanna: Mom, my feet are bleeding.

Hanna: Someone in the change room said they hoped they would die in their sleep so they didn’t have to swim ever again. Funny.

As they limped in the door asking for snacks, a soft rug to ball up on, a salt-lick, Ellie gave me the best line of the day.

Her eyes were closed, her right leg appeared to have developed a twitch from the knee through the big toe, she was pale, her hair was a green nest, she was smiling, she whispered, “Mommy, can you get me a glass of orange juice? I’m kind of sick of water.”