Due to a series of snow days, holidays, illness, general tom-foolery, taking Christmas lights down and a fabulous tv line-up (on PVR) I have just completed my third swimming lesson out of a possible 2000.

I call it a swimming lesson because for me, it’s just that. For others in the pool, they are training or mandated by court order to swim three days/week for too many traffic violations. I feel like I’m learning from the beginning how to get from one end of the pool (sometimes in a straight line but mostly in a whimsical zig-zag pattern, frozen cocktail in hand) to the other.

Here are a couple of things I’ve learned;

1. I am in no position to judge anyone (land mammal or sea beast) for the way they swim or how quickly they do it.
2. My legs have been dangerously close to catching on fire which seems an impossibility given they are fully submerged in water but trust me, the friction would be enough to set the first ever, underwater flame-up.
3. Those ropes that separate the lanes in the pool hurt when you consistently scrape your hands and arms against them stroke after stroke. They are not made of foam or goose down, or red and blue marshmallows as I had hoped.
4. When you slam into another swimmer’s head, the pool wall, the metal ladder or the stairs it will sting for three weeks and you probably shouldn’t operate a motorized vehicle.
5. Consumed in small doses, pool water probably won’t kill you. I have consumed hundreds of gallons.

So yesterday in an attempt to humiliate me (this is a lie, I totally asked for help, ahem) one of the coaches got in the water with me to work on my breaststroke kick. For the first time in my life, I’m learning there is a different kind of kick for every type of stroke, none of which are the Lizzy-shuffle (though I do throw one in every now and again for the amusement of the other swimmers and not because it’s the only way I think I can stay afloat).

The coach was very kind and held my feet while I hung onto the wall and she guided me through the motions like a handler with an adult on a day pass from her group home.

She suggested I do a few lengths focusing only on what my legs were doing. “Don’t think about anything other than your legs. There’s just too much going on to fix it all in one day.”

Hmmm.

Maybe as an adult learner, I’m meant to find some (or all of this) a lesson in humiliation but I really wasn’t discouraged. I want to learn. I want to get better, gain endurance and become a stronger swimmer.

Do something that scares you today. Even if it means wearing a youth bathing cap in public.