The last time Greg and I went through security at an airport, my heavier than necessary carry-on bag was flagged and I was taken over to the table of shame where the security guard removed what must have been at least a 2L jug of children’s sunscreen.

So that’s what was making it so heavy?

I didn’t read the restrictions on creams and liquids before we left the house but I think in terms of how much you are allowed, it’s much closer to 0 litres than the 2 I was attempting to smuggle.

The guy asked me if anyone else had packed my bag and I wanted to say, “Obviously one of my other personalities” but they hate sarcasm in those situations.

I guess I hoped they would think at the very least, I was trying to save all of the children of the world from the harmful UVA and UVB rays and therefore should get a pass rather than a slap on the wrist.

I used a bag I had always used for traveling with the exception of the one time I took it to someone’s pool and threw in the only sunscreen I had.

I would not make the same mistake.

Before this trip, I very thoroughly looked into every pocket of my carry-on.

So thoroughly in fact, I neglected to look at anything else.

I grabbed my white sweater with the pockets on the off chance the airport was cold (it was) and we headed to our destination—the end of a lengthy line at security.

I was almost smitten knowing there was no chance my carry-on bag was going to be flagged unless I’m in some data base now to always rifle through my things because of the scandalous sunscreen incident.

A few years ago, my bag was checked because I had two loose batteries in the bottom. I suspected my picture with a big “two strikes” next to it was somewhere on their must watch list.

I placed my carry on atop the metal table and slid it forward, removed my shoes, my boarding pass, sunglasses and reached into my white sweatshirt to see if there was anything in the pockets before going through the scanner.

Nothing here officer, just a pair of tweezers.

WHAT??????

The tweezers were in my pocket because like any good Mom, I carried them with me at all times in case the kids ran around with bare feet on the wooden deck and got a sliver but we were traveling without the kids and any security agent could take one look at my eyebrow and assume something was fishy.

And like any good smuggler, I hot potatoed them right into my carry-on bag.

Oh God.