My husband asked me to pick up a few things at Canadian Tire yesterday, none of which I had heard of.

I was hoping there was a room with some cots should I need to take a break and reassess why I had agreed to do this.

The list read a lot like a kill kit. If you don’t watch Dateline regularly, you may not know what I’m talking about.

It’s a list of items a murderer featured on Dateline uses to kill their spouse often including some or all of the following; duct tape, garbage bags, a blunt or sharp object and bungee chords/rope.

Bungee chords were on my list as was some type of wrench no one had ever heard of.

I guess maybe he’s going to send me back for the other supplies at different times so they can’t be traced back to the same transaction. The perfect crime. Also, in my years of watching the show (while biting on a pillow) the spouse never bought their own kill kit, he was covering all angles.

I had to find solar panels which were in the automotive section. (???)

I then asked where I could find the bungee chords and the sales person pointed and said, “Do you see that sign for aisle number fifteen?” I nodded (but I didn’t) “It’s the one right after that.”

So sixteen?

They turned out to be in aisle seventeen. Canadian Tire clearly has a superstition about aisle sixteen much like hotels and the mis-labeled thirteenth floors.

I found the bungees (not the ones he wanted) in aisle seventeen but also found bungees in aisle fifty-seven (again, not the ones he wanted) where I was sent to find a “pair of channel locks” as per Greg’s list.

Channel locks apparently don’t come in pairs nor do they exist. Like at all.

A pair (meaning two) in the case of channel locks translates into English as one set of tongue and groove pliers.

Still looking for that rest area.

I made my way to the check-out, stuck behind a cart with two broom handles framing my head like antlers and I pulled out my scratch-and-save coupon promising I would win a $500 gift card to come back for the rest of my kill-kit supplies.

I “won” $5 off of my pliers (singular) and left feeling like anything but a winner.