I have kept quiet about my feelings towards the girl’s gymnastics program, at least for the most part, complaining only of the utter boredom I feel when watching kids so young, at an appropriate skill level for their age (meaning low to non-existent) or I discuss the difficulties of expecting car-seat baby to be entertained for three hours away from home using only a plastic container of Cheerios and the unassuming characters in the crowd who may or may not be lured in to show her a few tricks, allowing me to put my brain in park.

Then, last night I was handed a program evaluation form and asked to fill it out to be returned next week. Essentially, it’s a reverse progress report and I found the whole thing rather strange. They actually want my feedback in an effort to improve this program? Where do I begin….

Question 1: Things I like……

a)      Time away from my laundry basket. Our relationship grows stronger when we have a chance to miss each other.

Question 2: Things I do not like….

a)      The 15 year old male instructor who isn’t sure what class he is teaching. I signed Ellie up for trampoline lessons for two reasons. The first is because from a scheduling perspective, it meant the girls would be in the gym for a common period not offered by any other classes during the week. The second, because I knew jumping on a trampoline for an hour would tire her out resulting in me her having a good night’s sleep. Why then did the first two weeks go by before they actually jumped on a trampoline? I asked the young leader in the most sickeningly sweet way I knew how if I had been mistaken or was this class in fact called “Trampoline.” He looked at me confused and said, “oh yeah, yeah, it is but we do other stuff too and sometimes the tramps are full.” How do you propose I fill out the evaluation for a class entitled “Trampoline” if its namesake apparatus is only periodically available for use?

b)      The amount of time he spends warming up four kids ages 3—5 years old. They take approximately 15-17 minutes rolling wrists, ankles and necks, lunging, stretching, reaching and flexing. Time that could be spent jumping on an available trampoline. I understand if you are preparing for an Olympic, heavyweight cage match but any parent will tell you, kids ages 3—5 years old are already warmed up. Dare I say they’re coming in hot! They run and jump all day and a simple game of “what time is it Mr. Wolf” is all it will take to get them ready for an hour of trampoline observation. Also, you don’t have to focus quite so much on the technique during the warm-up as they are also made of rubber.

c)       Hanna’s rhythmic gymnastics class. Hanna wanted to learn how use a baton after watching a girl from her school put on a show. I thought rhythmic gymnastics would be a great way to introduce her to the activity of baton throwing and also allow her to get back to her roots from her early days of dancing when she flitted around with long snakey-snakey ribbons. The first day, on our way out of the gym, the teacher said she was looking forward to next week and I said, “Yes, Hanna is very excited to use the ribbons.” She looked at the person sitting at the front desk (on the phone) and asked, “Do we have any ribbons?” The answer was no. Where am I?

Question 3: Things I would like to see

a) my kid on a trampoline

b) ribbons

c) Cheerios dispenser