This morning while rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, two of our three children ran into the bathroom to inform me the baby had torn all of the toilet paper from the roll in the bathroom beside the kitchen.
Oh good, company. This is a rare treat.
Why haven’t we learned to remove the toilet paper from the roll upon entry into any bathroom? We know what she’s capable of it’s her motivation that’s baffling.
Off I went to fashion together some sort of hanging device for the toilet paper, not unlike the dangling meat hook to lure leaping children towards new foods rather than the heart shaped cookie cutters that so clearly deterred them before.
I could hang the paper from the ceiling but as I looked up to inspect my options, the soap still in my hair ran into my eyes and they started to sting.
We would have to revisit the engineering and installation of the new device later as we were heading out to purchase our Christmas tree, a 9 foot, pre-lit, faker that will hopefully last a lifetime because I believe we were on a self-imposed spending freeze minutes prior to loading it into the van.
We tried to decorate it when we returned home but it was nearly impossible to reach some of the top branches. The conversation about the hand crocheted nativity scene, placement of shepherds and whether the baby chick from a Mother Goose nursery rhyme wearing the bonnet and diaper was part of the original manger scene or was just one of baby Jesus’ friends distracted us all while the baby once again found her muse spun out on the bathroom floor in millions of tiny white pieces.
Perhaps we need to reconsider our approach. What if instead of hiding the paper from the baby, I serve it up to her so it’s no longer the mysterious stranger she sneaks away to visit? I could make a toilet paper crib sheet, toilet paper bride her or mummy wrap her in Cottonelle removing the forbidden fruit quality entirely.
We might even make some toilet paper ribbons for the new tree and have her decorate but at this point, we’re stumped.
Hanna and Ellie came running to us with a problem of their own. They were arguing over a cutting and pasting project involving all of our magazines.
Greg calmly asked Ellie, “Does Hanna cutting from your magazine bother you in any way, shape or form?”
Ellie: Form I guess.
