I guess the back-to-school jitters (for me) started after an email from one of my best friends who is returning to finish a degree she started years ago.

She described a recent incident where, armed with her course codes, she eagerly approached the bookstore to purchase her crisp new textbooks so she could get ahead of the game prior to her first week in the classroom.

Upon entering the bookstore, she found the student working behind the counter and while attempting to hand her a slip of paper outlining the names of her courses, asked if she could help her find her books.

The student pointed toward a giant, cardboard, bar code type image taking up the size of a wall and gave no further instruction.

My friend did exactly what I would have done. She stared at the black dots connected by some lines, whose maze-like quality had her confused, almost hypnotized. She attempted to relax her eye sockets in the hopes it was one of those optical illusion pieces of art that if she stared long enough, her book titles would seem to be floating off the page. She wondered if she held her gaze in the right spot, she might notice the flap that would eventually spit her books out at her or at the very least a full list of what she was going to need to find in this foreign, Jetson-like-futuristic store. She worried (as I would have) this box might in fact be the same thing she had spotted in magazine ads and might require some sort of gadget all of the kids were carrying these days but with a purse full of binders, pens, highlighters and Nick Jr. Band-Aids, there was simply no space for a lot of extra technology.

She considered taking a picture with her Kodak disposable camera but opted instead to simply ask for help. I would have opted to throw a dart in the middle or draw a happy face with a Sharpie and run home giving up on the idea of ever finishing the degree. I mean, she already had one, was it really worth this scavenger hunt type exercise to just come up with a list of books? What would she do when she figured out the titles? Surely there’s a second barcode system hanging from an adjacent wall with a map, a magnifying glass and a series of Sudokus she would be required to complete with accuracy in order to move onto the next step.

I started to worry about my own kids getting on the bus today and quickly realized I had not been informed, or informed anyone myself that my kids would in fact be riding the bus this year. Would the driver just remember to stop this morning? What if it’s a different driver, different bus company, different vehicle altogether? What if we watch the red, antique fire truck whistle down our street while skipping on the driveway paying no attention because we were waiting for Jen the bus driver to be driving….a bus?

I also feared Hanna would be assigned a classroom where her closest friends would be in one room and she would be in the other where she didn’t know anyone. I guess this was my fear because I couldn’t think of any situation that would upset her more than being separated from her friends. By the time I was in full REM sleep I was in fact, able to dream up something worse.

I dreamt that today, the first morning of the first day of this school year, there was an announcement over the loud speaker while parents and kids gathered in the parking lot to listen for their class assignments. All names would be posted as usual on lists across the front of the school but one new and exciting program would be introduced. One lucky student (Hanna) had been selected to take part in a teaching experiment where she would share a windowless portable with a seeing-eye dog for the duration of her grade three year. They would then introduce Hanna to Sparky (who was game) and lead them in the opposite direction of her friends, her play equipment, known teachers to begin their lessons.

Also, Sparky was allergic to nuts (among other things) so she didn’t even have the ability to break that rule. Subconsciously, I think the nut reminder was more about my fear of coming up with creative food alternatives that do not involve nuts and how one day I worry I’ll accidentally send along a peanut butter sandwich with a crunchy, peanut butter cookie crust and some child will have to ride in the fire truck to the hospital while Sparky eats Hanna’s homework.