Hanna spent thirty minutes cleaning garbage from the schoolyard with her class negating the time Chloe spent pulling refuse from the kitchen garbage and offering it to me as gifts in exchange for love and attention.
By the time I heard the kitchen cupboard slam shut for the thousandth time I was already seconds too late. Setting the table for dinner I was simply too exhausted to be appropriately grossed out after being handed the packaging from the roast sizzling away in the oven. Maybe because I was thankful to have noticed my watch had been thrown in the bin along with the leftovers by an anonymous donor before sending it ticking to the dump.
The trail of juices from the cupboard to the table was enough to solidify what Ellie had already been questioning. Does that come from an animal? Why do we eat something that comes from an animal? Long pause. I don’t think we should eat animals. And lastly, drum roll please, finger waving high, the declaration I had been anticipating, “I will no longer be eating anything that comes from an animal.”
We discussed where she thought we could find the best sources of protein to replace what she would be missing out on while the rest of us continued to don our lobster bibs and happily scarf enormous turkey legs dipped in prime rib drippings as if every night, we were in the audience at Medieval Times.
We looked up some meat alternatives and she is glad to eat almonds, beans, hummus and ribs as alternatives to eating meat. The ribs did not come as a surprise. That is one rare treat she can’t seem to get enough of, proof positive she is Greg’s daughter so there’s no reason to snuff that one. Also, ribs really are about as far from being actual meat as Skittles so I’m not sure she’ll make the connection between Daddy’s annual secret recipe bubbling all day in the crock-pot and the cow she has branded friend.
Ellie: Where does chicken come from?
So, we still have a little breathing room. At what point do they make the connection that the skinless, boneless breast on their plates is the same friendly, plastic barnyard animal we spent the afternoon finding a Littlest Pet Shop suitor for in the Fisher Price musical farm?
Ellie: I will eat hummus/pitas and salmon today.
Ah salmon. She still has no idea salmon is a fish.
What a terrible disservice we are doing to this child, lying to her about where things come from, occasionally fitting in a lecture about how it’s never okay to lie.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
If you must steal, steal away from bad company.
If you must drink, drink Absolut Ruby Red vodka.
If you must lie, lie to make your child eat meat.
