How do you know when your child is faking the stomach flu? This is a tough one. Especially if there are others in your family who have recently suffered from the bug, it automatically tips the scales in favour of the faking child. The trouble is, they know you would never doubt their complaints of illness so regardless of whether they are actually sick, now is the time to go after the big prize–a day off school.
Our five year old has held onto something for over a year. She has brought up on more than one occasion the fact that I did not pick her up when her teacher phoned suggesting she was under the weather and should come home. The truth is, her teacher spotted the would-be faker and called me offering the option to pick up my daughter whose only illness seemed to be she was guilty of watching several of her five year old colleagues get picked up in a dramatic rescue effort by a parent over the previous few weeks and she wondered if her mother would throw on a cape and fly to the school to be by her side too. Her teacher thought I should wait it out (agreed) and if anything serious (ie: throwing up on a puppet theatre) resulted in this plan to ignore the victim, she would call again and I would be at the school in seconds. The second call didn’t happen so my daughter waited out the day convinced her mother had abandoned her.
One year later, Ellie used the opportunity having been sick over a week ago, to wait until her first day back at school, to once again test my loyalties.
She asked before she left the house in the morning, “If I’m not feeling well, can I call you to pick me up?”
Me: Of course you can. If you feel sick, you tell the teacher and I’ll come to get you. (This while she was snapping her fingers delightedly and asking if I could hear her whistle as she attempted a cartwheel into her snow pants).
Ellie: Because last time….
Me: I know, last time I didn’t pick you up but I will definitely come to get you if you really are sick.
Ellie: Bye Mom, I love you.
Ring, ring.
She exited the bus, marched into the school office and asked to phone home to be picked up due to illness.
This little exercise in drama, though long overdue has been a good lesson for me as a parent and should be for the school.
Kids LOVE the sympathetic looks and shoulder squeezes from students and staff while they lounge in the front lobby on one of the “sick kid” chairs while waiting for Princess Jasmine or a real-life snake charmer but settling for, sigh, Mommy as their chariot parks in the special tow-away zone to race in and carry them off.
Yesterday morning, it was Hanna’s turn. She had mentioned a fellow student had recently chewed a granola bar mixed with milk and smeared it on the toilet seat to pretend she had thrown up to get out of going to school. Why can’t these kids use their craft for good instead of evil?
I knew I was a phone call away from having my Christmas shopping interrupted. Careful not to pack a granola bar, any liquid, or dairy in her lunch bag she opted to ride out the day. I suspect the fact that she had gym and there was no mention of having to tell time might be the only thing that saved me.
Today is Wednesday–phew. Today I celebrate my weekly “turn off all phones” day.
