As I was vacuuming up broken Guess Who game pieces, juice box straws and bath beads, dog hair (which is odd given we don’t have a dog), pebbles, Cheerios, the contents of at least three full boxes of Wheat Thin crackers if I shaped them back together, from my van the other night, I made an announcement to my family pretending to play tennis on the driveway so as to avoid any van cleaning assignments.
“For Mother’s Day, I would like my car to be detailed.”
Unfortunately, they had other plans.
The first stop for our five year old and Daddy was HomeSense to pick out a picture frame. Apparently, Ellie took her time scouring the two picture frame aisles before choosing an all glass frame she thought I would love.
Onlookers giggled as Greg told Ellie she could carry it from the picture frame aisle to the cashier but that she had to use two hands as it was made of glass and could….SMASH!
Ellie cried, Greg offered to pay, the sales clerks reassured Ellie this happens every day and after a few deep breaths, she was able to refocus on the task at hand. Onto the coffee mug aisle. Ellie explained, “I had to talk Daddy into this next one” which he argues isn’t true.
Two, eco-friendly, dishwasher safe, traveler mugs for the car, perfect for cappuccinos or an extra large steeped tea with two milk.
Immediately after opening the travelers Ellie asked, “Can I have my apple juice in one of your capatchinas?”
The gifts kept coming and my new apple juice cup runneth over.
I received the most wonderful fill in the blank poem including all of the things my daughter would like to be when she grows up. More than once, she mentions wanting to type fast like her Mom and own her own computer. The line, “My Mom spends time with me doing blank” was filled in, “My Mom spends time with me on her computer.”
Ouch. My kids see me as a typist, obsessed with her computer–noted.
Oatmeal time. I pretended to be asleep for the breakfast preparation but the annual stabbing of the frozen blueberries bag, now a Mother’s day ritual, was enough to wake the neighbours. I gagged back what I can only assume were several cups of dry oatmeal poured into a small cereal bowl with a teaspoon of boiling water and left to cook while the berries were being hacked into bite sized pieces with hedge clippers all over the kitchen counter.
The gifts kept coming.
Crafts made at school were delightful. One series of cards listing all of the great things our seven year old planned to do included, “I will not fight with my sisters” lasted less time than it took for me to read the words so back into the envelope of promises it went. I did cash in on a rather violent back-rub and agreed to teach her how to type really fast.
I have a bone to pick with the creators of the millions of amazing Mother’s Day crafts. Who do you think makes crafts with their children? Right, mothers. Mothers only receive crafts from their kids when they are enrolled in an all day program, daycare or school. Fathers get suitcases filled with crafts because mothers work on them with the kids. Please stop crashing my inbox (that after today’s intervention, I will be taking a break from) with “Ten fantastic Mother’s day craft ideas” unless you have my husband’s email address.
Last but certainly not least, a gift card for a full car detailing…YES! If this is meant to be an insult, it will take a lot more than a sparkly mini-van to upset me. Look out Suds car-detailing, you’re about to get clogged with Cheerios and Guess Who game pieces while I sip apple juice alongside my five year old and pretend it’s a cappuccino.
