While I can’t say for certain my kids have been eating Doritos in their beds, there is some solid crumb evidence that would likely lead a jury of their seven and five year old peers to that conclusion.
As the prosecution, I realize I am only as convincing as the evidence presented but the sharp, orange triangles whose staining capabilities rank high above red wine or even a bbq sauced meatball rolling down a white carpeted staircase, are certainly helping my cause.
I can’t say when they smuggled, ate, laughed as they wiped their orange fingers using their pyjamas as a Shamwow. I can’t say when because I can’t prove they were the two involved. I just know there are orange crumbs in both girls’ beds and an empty bag of Doritos in the cupboard with their orange kissy faced smooches all over it.
While I want them to accept the consequences for their actions I’m thinking the best medicine might be no more chips…..or no more beds I haven’t decided. I know I shouldn’t be cruel but unusual? That’s never stopped me before.
I searched the history on their laptop and someone searched “how to eat Doritos from bed” over eighty times. One of them even claimed to have been looking up “Mojitos” and other rum based drinks which then morphed to Doritos but eighty times? I’m not buying it…or any more chips for that matter.
They made up a story of how the chips were emptied on another occasion and they hid the bag, along with Daddy’s help, in the cupboard for fear of getting into trouble. Why would anyone try to cover up a savoury food crime to make it look like we’d been ransacked? Were they trying to Kronk Daddy for the countless times he had returned an empty milk container to the top shelf of the fridge? Why even bring Daddy into this? He’s been an expert chip eater for thirty-nine years. Did they not think he would have found a more creative way to dispose of the empty bag?
I’ve got the empty bag, the crumbs, the beds, the two accused covered in orange powder. That should be enough for a conviction.
As long as nobody tries to introduce an accidental spill story, this one’s in the bag.
