I’ve been hearing a lot about sunscreen brands, SPF numbers falsely representing the cream that in actuality is coconut mayonnaise in a less foodie tube and I confess—I’m confused.

People smoked cigarettes before they knew they were bad for them. When the medical community linked several cancers to prolonged cigarette use, people stopped (or at least tried to stop) smoking.

For decades, we ran around bronzing ourselves in the sun, spraying oil on our shiny coats until our skin successfully resembled a beaten leather jacket on a classic novel and people started to pay attention.

I watched with great interest in my teenage years as my friend’s mother, lounging on her tin foil bed, lathered on the oil, everywhere other than the tiny bikini she was half wearing but was careful to cover her closed eyes with small, robin’s egg sized cups. I guess because glasses would have left an unsightly white mark on the bridge of her nose and also because her eyeballs were clearly the only part of her body she worried about protecting. What good was baking to a crispy finish if you couldn’t see the reaction from those around you?

Like cigarettes, we’ve become informed and made some assumptions about how to protect ourselves from the sun’s harmful rays over the years. Lather on sunscreen, wear hats and of course, avoid the sun entirely whenever possible.

I’ve even watched a program where a medical Doctor wanted to make things crystal clear when it came to sunscreen application, reapplication and most importantly the volume of cream necessary to save our skin from the harmful cancer causing rays.

He spread two large fistfuls of cream over his face and neck and when he turned to face the camera, there was no telling if he’d been the victim of a cream pie in the face or someone who was wearing some sort of edible mask. Noted–we aren’t using enough sunscreen when we first apply.

Now I’m hearing anything from “you need to reapply every twenty minutes” to “those claims of being water proof, sweat proof, heat resistant, fire retardant are unfounded and haven’t been proven to be true,” to “any manufacturer claiming to have a higher SPF than 30 is lying” and most recently “don’t wear sunscreen, the stuff in it will cause cancer quicker than sun exposure.”

It would be far easier for me to stay out of the sun if I didn’t have young kids who barely finish breakfast before rushing out the door to play in the fresh air. I encourage outdoor play because 1) we’ve come a long way from our hermit years and 2) what happened to needing Vitamin D to survive until lunch time?

Solution? I am not going to keep my kids inside all summer so it would be helpful to have a list of three sunscreens that a) work, b) don’t cost $100/mL and c) won’t cause cancer. If anyone can provide that information, I’ll be the woman in the tin foil vest in the smoker’s circle.