- Nobody ever crammed their fingers under the closed bathroom door before there were kids in this house.
- I had never heard a running commentary while peeing in a public bathroom with questions involving curiosity about hair placement and the human body, or debates over why one chooses to hover over the bowl vs sit directly on it.
- I had never heard a running commentary given by the person having a movement including a description of how many pushes it will take to squeeze out a poop along with groaning and breath holding for drama.
- I had never stood in the bathroom at a restaurant in an attempt to change a poopy baby and had no choice but to roll, tie and bury the smell of Huggies wrapped feces in the garbage can, emerging soaked with sweat.
- Before you judge me for a) eating out with a baby and b) leaving a soiled diaper behind, I had never felt guilty about eating out before and further, would it kill them to stick a diaper genie in the corner?
- I had never had the urge to pee simply by recognizing the international symbol for ladies room and been dragged into every public restroom on the planet.
- I had never had to excuse myself during a meal to pee more than four times.
- I had never asked a person over and over and over again if they had to pee before leaving the house and been told “no” and finding myself in the grocery store bathroom with a cart full of food unattended in the hall because someone couldn’t make it five minutes after leaving the house.
- I had never been told by a person that they didn’t have to pee, then when encouraged to “try” heard them chip the bowl from the force with which the urine emerged.
- I had never considered writing a strongly worded letter to those retailers and restaurants who spent time placing cheeky, unrecognizable symbols on their doors after a confused child with a wet pant leg couldn’t find the cartoon lady with the skirt.
