In the basement, the girls gathered some stuffed animals or “stuffies” as they’re known in our house, while I collapsed into one of the new bean bag chairs and smiled while reflecting on our fun holiday together.
I must have sunk completely into the beans making myself almost invisible because it was one of those rare occasions when the girls started to talk to each other as though I wasn’t in the room.
The first “game” they played, after collecting those stuffies exhibiting the most circular qualities they could find, shoved them into their shirts and proceeded to jump in the air, slamming into the others chest, the high fiving equivalent they called, “boob fives!”
As a spy among them, I knew my time was better spent as a silent observer so I sunk quietly into the depths of the faux leather chair that at this point, aside from a small breathing hole, had me completely swallowed.
The girls then decided they should use the larger, more masculine stuffies as boyfriends at which time Hanna would tell Ellie, “Ellie, you have to dump him, I don’t like him,” and more shockingly, “just leave him over there to die.”
Ellie would respond, “Okay Hanna but he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s going to take me two sleeps to get over him.”
Then I heard a strange, yet familiar sound. It was the sound of the clock Hanna’s teacher had allowed us to borrow to practice telling time. An hour earlier, Hanna had no idea how to move the minute hand forward or back or whether it would take 19 hours to take a shower or 31plus eighty minutes to sneeze but easily mastered the hours required to time the break-up between a stuffed bear and her well endowed five year old sister.
Moments later, beans surprisingly supporting my post-Christmas curves….
Ellie: Okay Hanna, I’m ready with my new boyfriend.
Hanna: You have to dump him too Ellie. Just leave him over there. Now he’s dead.
Ellie: Okay, who should my boyfriend be now?
I had to speak up, I couldn’t believe the way they were treating these makeshift boyfriends, not to mention their ridiculously proportioned upper bodies. I was also annoyed that Hanna could simply tell Ellie to dump someone, allow him to die and jump into the next relationship so quickly. Also, I think these guys might be more interested in their bodies than their personalities.
Me: Girls, it doesn’t sound like you’re treating these ‘boyfriends’ very nicely. Why are you letting Hanna tell you what to do Ellie?
Hanna: I’m telling her to dump them because nobody is good enough for my sister. I was also playing you Mom.
Ellie: I actually didn’t even know you were there.
Me: Boob five.
