It just occurred to me that my three year old, my third born, my last child to begin Kindergarten will be enrolling in a full day of school beginning in September.

I guess it didn’t “just occur” to me, I have had a few months to process all of this. Also, having her two older siblings I guess I shouldn’t be shocked her turn would come. Maybe a small part of me assumed by the time she was ready, school would be taught on ipads by robots or, ipods by rabbits.

When I received the package in the mail about my first daughter starting school, I remember feeling butterflies, so much anxiety over the unknowns; new friends, teachers, will she be able to stay awake all day? What if she has an accident? What if none of the other kids have ever seen a red head before? What if she doesn’t know how to use scissors? (She actually didn’t know how to use scissors and it turned out to be a humiliating parenting moment) What if she misses me? (Though there had been no previous signs that last one would be an issue.)

When our second daughter headed to school for the first time, my feelings weren’t as mixed as with Hanna. I was excited for her. I knew some of the teachers and even some of the older kids with younger siblings starting at the same time. The fear of the unknown was gone, she had been cutting and pasting (but mostly cutting, with all kinds of scissors, various brands of descending levels of dullness, including left-handed ones, since the day she was born) and I was happy to send her off on this adventure her older sister had been talking about for years.

This time, our third time around I was at the school, signed papers under my arm before the bell rang on the day I had received them. I believe the receptionist said, “You won’t find any dust on those forms.”

But now I’m having an overwhelming sense of fear. What do you call a stay-at-home-Mom whose kids are all in school? It sounds like the opening of a very bad joke.

For the past three years, my days have been filled with diapers and sippy-cups, swimming lessons and UNO.

I’ve spent my time as a mother worrying and wondering what going to school meant for my kids, preparing them for the new challenges ahead but haven’t given much thought to what it will mean to me.

I could take up gardening. Isn’t that what everyone says? The only drawback is I don’t enjoy gardening. Do people take it up as some sort of self imposed punishment? It hadn’t occurred to me people who say they are taking up gardening are in trouble for something. Wait–that had occurred to me too.

I can’t play UNO alone despite the clever, ironic name.

There is that new gym disturbingly located a stone’s throw away causing me ulcers at just a glance of the sign flashing 24 hours!!!! Who could work out that long?

I could go on more school field trips but that one might be impossible because I already go on every one, including some of the ones I haven’t even signed up for.

I could write the next great American novel.

But I’m Canadian.