In my travels over the past year to change rooms, waiting rooms, restaurant restrooms, playgrounds/playground port-a-potties and drive-thrus (wow, is that really I do?) I’ve heard the phrase, “That’s up to my child to decide” a number of times.
Every time I hear it, I almost always ask myself, “Would I have given my children the same opportunity to make that decision for themselves?” The answer is almost always no.
I’ve talked to parents of five year old boys who are in the process of deciding if their son will take skating lessons.
Parent: That’s something he’ll have to decide for himself.
I’ve talked to parents about whether to sign their six year old child up for music lessons.
Parent: That will be something my child will have to decide on their own.
I’ve heard parents discussing whether their child will participate in any number of extracurricular activities for the first time and so often I’m hearing from parents, “That’s not my decision, it’s theirs.”
Have I been going about this all wrong?
I don’t even let my kids decide whether to repeat after rinsing the shampoo I’ve selected, while waiting with a towel of my choosing, so in our house, deciding on something that will affect the family dynamic, scheduling issues and general commitment falls under the category of, “Leave that one to Mommy and Daddy.”
I’m not saying our approach is the right one. It’s just what we’ve done in the past and in some cases has resulted in a positive outcome.
Maybe parents base their decision to offer such flexibility and freedom only after assessing the individual child’s behaviour and personality, particularly when it comes to trying something new.
I am of the opinion that if I choose for the kids the first time around, they can later determine if they want to stick with something, try something new, try going in a different direction.
If I sat back and let them choose what to do and when, the answer would be, “Sit on my bean bag chair and watch Dog With A Blog.”
I question whether my choosing for them has shaped this behaviour? Would they be more inclined to want to watch Dog With A Blog from the couch if I gave them the choice?
What do you think?
