I was in a great mood yesterday afternoon—relaxed and ready for anything my kids’ homework might throw at me.
I was running on little sleep but the sun was shining, I’d eaten a lunch of scrambled eggs while leaning over the kitchen sink and then a wave came over me. If we eat all of our meals over the sink, we’ll never have to clear the table again! Then I had a different wave. If I have Chloe read me her Home Reading book now, we won’t be struggling to get through it at bedtime.
I was going to be the most patient parent ever.
Deep breath.
Chloe slides in next to me, snuggled in close, she nuzzles my arm and rips open the book, skipping the title. (Our Pets)
In an alarmingly calm tone, “Oh silly, we forgot the title, let’s go back.”
Chloe holds her hand flat on the inside flap. If I try to open the book, we will rip it—and it will be a joint effort so I won’t be able to assign blame. She is refusing to read the title that, spoiler alert, often hints at what this book might be about.
Knowing the theme of these early readers can be half the battle. We must know the title.
“Never mind, I giggle, let’s follow your lead and see where the first page takes us.”
The left side of the page has all of the text, the right side, a picture of a young child caressing a mouse.
“This is a little pet. It is a mouse. I like this little mouse.”
Chloe does not look at the words. She looks at the picture and says, “I have a mouse. My mouse is cute” and turns the page.
“Oh, sweetie, wait. Let’s go back to the words and see what it says.”
“I did. It says, “My mouse is soft and cozy.”
Um, that’s not what you said a second ago. I hold my finger under the word “This.” Chloe says, “My mouse.”
“Let’s try again to sound it out.”
“Mmmm”
Nope. “This” word (I gave her the word) starts with the “th” sound.
“Mouse.”
Do you remember what sound the “t” and the “h” make together?
“Cute mouse,” flips page.
Okay, let’s try the next page. Text again on the left, picture of a girl holding a snake on the right.
This time, my clever child covers the words entirely with her hand and says, “My snake is slimy” and turns the page.
A brief moment passes and we negotiate our way back to snake central. The words are: This is a long pet. It is a snake. I like this long snake.
I read the page, Chloe told me my cuddling arm was bugging her.
“Can we start with the first word? Oh look, it’s the same word that starts with a “th” She says “snake.”
I ask her to try again, “long.”
So we’ve established she did listen to me say something about a long snake a couple of pages ago. That feels like a win. Turning the page…
“This is a yellow pet” (it’s actually in black and white so this probably requires a strongly worded letter to the publisher) “It is a bird. I like this yellow bird.”
Chloe is lying on the floor using freshly laundered but not yet folded socks as mittens. The pattern we would have figured out at this point has been eaten by the long snake.
She looks at the next page and says, “This is my horse.” The picture is of a cow.
I hold my finger under the word “pets.” We have read the word “pets” on every page. Chloe says “pizza.”
Progress. She has identified the letter “p” and the sound it makes. “Pizza” really isn’t far off from “pets” especially when you consider “p” followed by the long “e” sound make “pee” and “t” followed by “s” could be “za” when spoken quickly with a slight German accent.
Chloe and I count the remaining pages. When you find yourself counting how many pages are left you’ve already lost the battle.
The next pizza is a soft cat.
Chloe is making a mockery of this book and reading in general. She is shouting random words, guessing what might be on the next page. Nowhere in this assignment is there room for improvising.
“You smell like eggs.”
