I am saddened to inform you the flu vaccine for 2010 is ineffective and yes, causes the flu. No, I’m not so naive to think the flu shot actually causes the flu but perhaps we need to be more specific when ordering our drugs from the nurse. You see, I was under the impression, the “flu shot” meant I was willing to risk blacking out or throwing up in a Doctor’s office in exchange for not retching for eight straight hours. Maybe she thought I meant, “Give me a shot of the flu”? I’ll be researching this invaluable bit of rhetoric and will report back when I’m able to keep my head out of the toilet.

At approximately 2:30pm yesterday afternoon, I was kneeling on the bathroom floor, hovering over the basin as Greg approached. He was obviously concerned about my positioning and choice of seating considering there are perfectly good couches, tables and chairs in less toiletty rooms. He immediately stepped up, offering to pick up Hanna at school but did ask if he could leave the baby with me.

Oh right. The Mommy time-clock is mounted above the light fixture in the bathroom, much too high for me to punch out while vomiting so I’ll have to focus an eye in his direction that screams, “she’s gonna blow!” and off he went, baby in tow.

To re-cap, I threw up everything I had eaten yesterday on my first visit to the bowl but by hour number eight was pretty sure I saw a full slice of Scott and Amy’s wedding cake from July.
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Ellie cried because she wasn’t allowed to kiss me and had to settle for blowing me one. Hanna cried because my room and bathroom stunk. Ah yes, you smell my hair. I rinsed it in an essence of reverse osmosis balsamic vinaigrette from lunch.

Ellie started throwing up at 9pm and stayed in the family room with Greg by her side all night. Hanna panicked in the morning thinking she’d missed a camp-out.
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Does it get any better than this?