It’s inevitable when you become a parent some days are going to be downright gross. Others will have some element of grossness ranging from somewhat tolerable to totally disgusting.
Yesterday happened to rank rather high on the throw-up-in-my-mouth scale.
Firstly, I have asked my family to stop suggesting that I eat something if they think it smells, tastes or looks too gross to eat themselves. Why do we need confirmation from Mommy that something has in fact gone rotten? Throw it out!
Hanna: Hey Mom! You have to try this, it’s so gross.
Why would an introduction like that convince anyone to take a big swig of what that person is serving?
I had this grand idea that because it was so hot and two of my three children are potty trained, maybe I could let our 20 month old run around the backyard in just her bathing t-shirt and skip the Little Swimmer diaper at least for a few minutes. Why would anyone with an untrained child do this? 1) Have you ever seen a chubby baby’s bottom chasing after a soccer ball? There is simply nothing cuter and if ever there was a photo op without a camera this was it. 2) I guess I thought after 20 months of diapers she could stand to see a little sunshine and fresh air?
About ten minutes into our nudist colony meeting I heard the following;
Hanna: Mom, there’s dog poop on our lawn.
Doubtful but let me follow up on this.
Me: Was it there when we first came out here?
Hanna: No, it looks fresh.
Me: Has there been a dog in our yard in the past few minutes I haven’t seen?
Hanna: Not that I’ve seen.
Me (Lastly): Do we have a dog?
Hanna: No
This has diaperless baby with a capital MY FAULT written all over it.
I got a good, ahem, taste of what people go through picking up after their dogs on a daily basis. I do not envy you.
Soon after disposing of the garbage bag, the wipes, hosing off the baby, the yard, diapering her like the sensible person I should have been earlier, I heard the words every wife wants to hear.
Greg: Honey! Check this out! I’m using that snake-drain thing. You should see the rat I pulled out of the kid’s shower.
Why? Why should I see the rat?
Ellie: Mom, look at this potato with the brown mark at the side. Oooo, it smells. Try it Mom.
Feed it to the rat.
