I’m not always proud of every parenting moment. I’m not always proud of my kids for every choice they make. My hope is that we learn and grow from our mistakes without any major side effects or lifelong repercussions.
I say this because once again this week I have been dishonourably disqualified from the Mother-of-the-year competition….twice. If you’re counting, I think that makes me thrice removed this month alone.
The first incident involved Chloe in possession of the baby sunscreen cream. Many of you are thinking, why would anyone let an 18 month old hold onto a bottle containing something that could potentially make her sick if ingested but that could also protect her from the sun’s harmful rays (both UVA and UVB) at the same time?
The truth is I goofed. I let my guard down and reinforced what I had been telling myself for years. Never let a baby who seems to enjoy the taste of rocks and sand hold anything other than biodegradable books or toys made entirely of flaxseed because inevitably, it will end up in her mouth.
When I turned to look at Chloe she had popped open the lid, squeezed some of the cream out and was squirting it into her mouth like it was a can of whipping cream and she was the sky-high apple pie.
At first I wondered if I should call poison control and something terrible waved over me. How embarrassing this is to actually pick up the phone and admit to such a horrible error on my part. There really should be a disclaimer on the bottle that says, “We are not here to judge you, please call, even if your child ingests a drop of sunscreen and you’re not sure if she will now have permanent liver damage or you think her retinas might start to glow. Seriously, we will not laugh, tell our other call centre friends or re-enact your mistake on a youtube posted video public service announcement.”
The second item she spent some time chewing this week was once again a used toilet brush.
When I re-told the story to another Mom, she cringed and covered her mouth. I think she was trying to make sure the vomit stayed in her mouth and didn’t spew out through her fingers.
Other Mom: The handle right?
I guess my first thought was, wow, she was barfing at the thought of the baby chewing the toilet brush handle? She might actually soil herself if I tell her it was instead the part you swirl around the tunnel of love.
Poison Control 1-800-268-9017. You might want to bookmark this one.
