I think our tv is broken.

 
It has gone from being a background appliance, providing a constant buzz, sometimes with headlines ticking past so we can see what’s happening with the weather or an update on the ice or how much snow is about to fall or the latest on the sleet or what we should expect in the way of hail.

 
But something has happened to this third party, distant relative that hovered in the wings for so many years and it seems after a little attention, it has become the life of the party.

 
I tried an experiment yesterday morning. I turned the tv on when the kids were getting ready for school. Correction—they did not get ready for school. The world froze all around them. Heads cranked backwards as they opened the fridge door in backwards- lunge-to-limbo position so they wouldn’t miss what Jessie and the kids were doing to the penthouse in that moment.

 
I watched Chloe take a bite of cereal and miss her mouth entirely. What was alarming was that she didn’t seem to notice, just continued to make ghost-scoop motions with her spoon as Oat Bran fell all around her. She didn’t even mind that her clothes were becoming saturated with milk because a show she had already seen was playing out right before her eyes.

 
Ellie placed a slip of paper into her backpack. Well, almost. She shoved it into an invisible pocket, eyes glued straight ahead and when I asked, “Ellie, what are you doing?” I think she started to speak in tongues. It was a mixture of the conversation on the tv and a bizarre attempt at a response to me.

 
Hanna brushed half of her hair, the other half would have meant a full head twist and that might have ended in a trip to the hospital.

 
When I pointed the convertor towards the screen, there were a few hysterical gasps but when the screen went blank, something clicked and everyone and everything snapped back into place and started moving again at full speed.

 
Seriously, it can’t be the kids.

 
What’s wrong with the tv?