I noticed the dancer from Glee on the cover of a health and fitness magazine and fell right into the trap. “How to have this body?” flipping past all of the multi-vitamin ads and pictures of beautiful people, I found the Glee girl and agreed that starting….now, I would simply copy her work-out and presto, we would be twins for life.

Putting a professional dancer on the cover of a magazine to lure people into the pages is the right move. Also, I happen to like her because she’s a bit like Christmas Snow (Chrissy) from Three’s Company on the show but has the best body of all the Glee cast…that is, at least for the first season.  Then they all started to look pretty buff.

How to get this body? Don’t bother telling me. A combination of cardio ballet (you had me, you lost me), pilates, 1000 crunches/day is almost always a given, some other intense training involving holding your breath for at least four minutes. Is that all?

So basically, I have no chance? My brisk walk every third night with a Hanzel & Gretyl style satchel of chocolate covered almonds is NOT going to land me on the cover of Best Health?

The magazine would be doing itself a service by including a disclaimer, “Do not try this at home” making it known these people are on the cover of a magazine for a reason and we shouldn’t think a few almond walks is going to land us there too.

I don’t want to be sent any mixed messages (mixed nuts maybe) because I’ll put down the almonds, well, strategically place them along the roadside, and begin a series of grande jete/plies while sweating to the oldies until I break something or herniate a disc. All the while, I’ll be checking the mirror for this third baby roll to shrink before my eyes.

What should the magazine print?

“Super human girl with super human strength, defies genetics, logic. Cheetah DNA could be a factor. Anyone with a job, a child or a satchel of chocolate almonds need not apply.”